kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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