we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
