Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
