And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Screwed.edu
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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