So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize