doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
