the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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