i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
