dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
