i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
