i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
