I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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