I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
