My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
