Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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