her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
