i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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