Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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