I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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