THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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