I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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