why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
