We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize