You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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