Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
