I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
