woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
