just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
