I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
