My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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