so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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