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Fuck
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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