Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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