ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My ass is underappreciated
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His nipple licking is glorious
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