I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
