i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
