My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
