I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
