he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
