Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's never too late to be topless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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