Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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