Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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