I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
