Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
