hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize