he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You need a sexual gate keeper
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
