Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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