So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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