I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize