Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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