Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
