Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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