I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
