Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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