He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
