I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
