So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
