She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
