i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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