I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
