I wish I could teleport
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
