He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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