this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My vagina is very pro this idea
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
