I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
