That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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